First Day Of School

Oh boy. I've been telling myself that the reason I haven't posted this one yet is because I'm too lazy...and that might be partially true, but really I know in my heart it has more to do with not wanting this moment to be here yet. Three weeks ago...I know, I know...Benj and I dropped Madi off at her first day of Kindergarten. I know you all heard me gloating about it being all day, but when it came right down to it, I wasn't ready to share my little Madison with the rest of the world. She was of course very excited, woke up at 6:00am sharp and was dressed and ready to go before I even cracked an eyelid...let it be noted that her school does not start until 9:00am...who could blame me! I actually had class the night before, so Brian put her hair in sponge rollers for me...what a good Daddy.

Well, I made it about half-way there before I started to tear up. I'm such a sissy. We were walking and she started to run because she was so excited, that's when I took the third picture. I just had this overwhelming feeling that I would probably be seeing her run ahead of me like that for the rest of my life. She just isn't content to walk next to me and hold my hand anymore, there's just too much excitement out there she doesn't want to miss.

After I dropped her off at school (that's when I took the picture of Ben looking distressed that we were leaving her there), I cried all the way home. Once again I reaffirm that I am a big sissy. I had this terrible sense of guilt the entire day, thinking I'd just left her with those people that neither she or I knew...and with all those potentially mean kids. I kept thinking about if they teased her about being tall or wouldn't sit by her or play with her. When I picked her up she told me that she had a terrible day. I felt like all of my fears had been realized. She said that no one talked to her at lunch, and then complained that all the other kids ate lunch at the school because they had lunch made there...(I had sent her an extremely lovingly prepared sack lunch...heart shaped sandwich and all), and told me that no other kids had to eat sack lunches. She said she got "busted out" for not coloring in the lines, and that her teacher confiscated her scissors because she was cutting up paper when she wasn't supposed to (I kind of think that this scenario was inevitable...she is a devil with those scissors).

I thought that this was a sign that I shouldn't send her back the next day, to which Brian replied that I was crazy, and told me that we would probably have to send her back the next day unless we wanted her to grow up to graffitti misspelled words onto cars. Long story, short...she loved the second day, has loved every day since...and I'm actually starting to realize that having just one baby at home during the day is not a bad thing after all. Benjamin is so good and takes two or three naps...and when he isn't napping, he is perfectly content to jump in his jumparoo thingy for as long as it takes me to do the dishes or wander aimlessly not knowing what to do with myself.

So, I guess I'm just going to have to let Madison grow up. Huh. I guess I'm just sad that my starring role in her life is fading out. Now she will have other adults she looks up to...other kids to be friends with, books to read that will give her ideas that I didn't put in her head....

It's kind of strange that we make these little people. We teach them every little thing and take care of them and do everything they can't do for themselves...and they become little people and think for themselves and learn things we don't teach them and grow up. Now I know how my mom must have felt when I started to grow up. Wow.

Okay, too much deep thought. First day of school is hard....mostly for Moms!